


Not Yet

by threerings



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb having flashback/dissociating, Caleb not knowing what to do with that, Episode Tag for Episode 24 of Campaign 2, Includes some spoilers for the episode, Kissing, M/M, Molly having Feelings, POV Mollymauk, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, They are both drunk and it's giving them feelings but not really the same feelings unfortunately, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 06:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threerings/pseuds/threerings
Summary: After the revelry in Hupperdook, Mollymauk can't sleep, his mind too full.  He stops in to check on Caleb and finds him lost in painful memories.





	Not Yet

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little tag...
> 
> TW: for PTSD, disassociation

Mollymauk sighed and stared into the darkness above his bed. Fjord snored loudly from the other bed, having barely woken up long enough for Molly to assist him into bed after finding him asleep in the privy.

Molly was having a more difficult time finding rest. His head spun with the effects of the alcohol he’d consumed during the drinking contest, and every time he closed his eyes he was greeted with the images of revelry from earlier that night. Colorful lights exploding in the sky, agile dancers twisting through the air, Caleb’s smile as he relaxed into the waltz with Jester. 

The night had seemingly been made for Molly’s enjoyment, with new sights, strong drink, and flirtatious offers a-plenty, but something had sent him to bed with a wistful feeling. He smiled wryly at the memory of the rest of the Mighty Nein speculating on how he would end the night, and here he was, lying alone in his bed like a well-behaved little tiefling. 

That wasn’t what had him feeling uneasy, however. More, it was his sudden melancholy that had sent him upstairs without seeking out company. 

Molly sighed heavily. If he was honest with himself, and under the influence of this much alcohol it was difficult not to be, he knew his feelings of disappointment circled around the memory of Jester leading the thin, stumbling wizard up the stairs to his bed. Molly had loved to see Caleb losing some of his habitual caution in the party atmosphere. He’d laughed at Caleb singing drunkenly to himself and delighted when Jester got him to dance. 

Caleb waltzing around the tavern room was something of a revelation. There was something different in the way he held himself, a shadow of some past self showing under the ragged layers. Molly admitted he had felt some jealousy that it was Jester and not himself who got to stand in his embrace and lead him around in circles. He’d forgotten it in the fun of dancing with Nott, neither of them taking themselves too seriously. But when he’d looked up he’d seen Caleb and Jester parting, Caleb’s face sad and Jester looking shocked. He wanted desperately to know what had passed between them. Jester had caught his look of concern and waved him off behind Caleb’s back. 

And now Molly couldn’t sleep. He pushed himself up and wrapped himself in his coat, intending to take a walk and see if he could shake this mood. He didn’t get very far, however, his steps slowing in the hallway outside the door to Caleb and Nott’s room. 

Molly took several deep breaths, telling himself he should keep walking. 

And yet he reached out for the door handle anyway, testing to see if it was locked. It unlatched easily, the door beginning to open inwards. He peered with exaggerated caution around the edge of the doorframe, peering into the dim room. 

He didn’t know how he was going to explain his intrusion if questioned. But he felt he needed to check on Caleb for some reason that made more sense to his heart than his fuzzy head. The shutters of the room were open, moonlight streaming through the window, giving his tiefling eyes enough light to see by. He could just make out the single form in the bed, human sized. So Nott was still downstairs...drinking or passed out, most likely. 

He took a few stealthy steps into the room and then froze. As he grew closer he could see that Caleb wasn’t asleep after all, but was sitting up in bed, staring into empty space directly in front of him. And he...Molly moved closer to make sure...yes, tracks of tears showed on his cheeks, faintly catching the moonlight. 

He showed no signs of awareness of Molly’s presence, even when he was close enough to the bed to nearly reach out and touch him. Molly stood in silence for a few moments, breathing shallowly, feeling like a vise was clamped around his heart. He hated to see the grief and loss and pain on Caleb’s face, even as he was unnerved by the way he stared fixedly at nothing. 

After several shaky breaths Molly let himself sink down to perch precariously on the edge of the mattress. Still no reaction from Caleb. He reached out and gently touched the wizard’s cheek, feeling the slight stubble coming back in after his rough shave from Yasha, feeling the wetness of the tears drying in streaks. 

Caleb didn’t acknowledge him in any way, his eyes unfocused, his breathing rapid. Molly felt a wave of panic. He had no idea what to do, was afraid of making things worse, of angering him with his intrusion. But he wanted so badly to offer something, some kind of comfort. His head swam and tears stung behind his eyes and before he knew it Molly was leaning in, pressing his lips very lightly to Caleb’s own. 

He thought he felt an intake of breath come from the other man, but other than that there was no reaction. Molly sat back, now truly at a loss. He frowned down at Caleb, the tears threatening to fall from his own eyes, but then Caleb blinked: once, twice, and then he looked up at Molly. 

“Did you...” Caleb began, voice rough, before giving a small cough. He touched his lips with his fingertips lightly. “Did you just...kiss me?” He looked embarrassed, as if he didn’t want to be asking such a thing.

“Caleb!” Molly exclaimed, relieved to see some life back in his face. “I...that is, yes, I did.” He saw surprise and alarm flash over Caleb’s face and he hurried to add, “I...I didn’t know what to do. I’m pretty drunk.” 

Caleb’s hand moved up from his mouth and swiped across his cheek, smearing across the half-dried tear tracks. He frowned, looking distressed. 

“You...you were...somewhere else...you didn’t respond,” Molly tried to explain. 

“Oh,” said Caleb, looking away and rubbing hastily at his face. “I was just...remembering...something.” 

Molly nodded. “Large quantities of alcohol can do that to you. Or so I hear,” he added with a brief quirk of his mouth. Caleb’s eyes met his again for an instant in a brief moment of understanding. “Just like it can get an antisocial wizard to dance the waltz.” 

Caleb groaned and shook his head a little. Molly’s smile widened. “I was disappointed I didn’t get a chance at being your dance partner,” he said, careful to keep his tone light.

“Oh,” said Caleb again, looking at him once more in surprise. “Were you?” 

“Mmm, yes, I was. Do I have to get you completely drunk again to have a chance?” Caleb blinked at him as if not comprehending his words. “Will you promise me a dance sometime, Caleb?” he clarified, and the question carried some of his sincere desire with it, to his mild chagrin. 

“I...I don’t know if that would be wise, Mollymauk,” Caleb replied after a brief pause. 

“Oh.” Molly tried to keep the depth of his disappointment from his voice. “Well, alright, then. Are you okay for me to leave you alone?” A thought occurred to him. “Do you want me to go find Nott?”

“ _Nein, bitte,_ ” mumbled Caleb as he looked back down at his hands. “Thank...thank you for the concern, though.” 

Molly smiled at the conciliatory words. It eased some of the sting of rejection. “Not a problem,” he said lightly, then on impulse leaned forward again and pecked a kiss onto Caleb’s forehead. “Don’t let the past eat you alive, love. We need you here in the present, alright?”

Caleb looked up at him as he stood, and Molly couldn’t read his expression. He hesitated for a split second, his instincts wanting him to push, to close the distance once more. But he listened to his reason for once and just shot the reclining man a smile before turning to leave. 

“Goodnight, Mollymauk,” he heard in a soft, accented voice from behind him as he exited. His heart twisted in his chest and he squeezed his eyes shut. Once safely in the hallway, with the sturdy door between them, he sighed. _Damn, damn, damn,_ he thought to himself. _I’m in so much trouble._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can also find me at [Tumblr.](http://gentlysociallypinned.tumblr.com)


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